What Actually Is Love?

Hello my loves ❤ Today is a sad day in the world of blogging!!! Today is my suppose to be my last post on this lovely blog but, you know me, I’m difficult. For all intents and purposes, let’s assume this is my last fun post…

With that being the case, I’m going out with a bang! As it was suggested by a certain individual many of us know, today we will be looking for the misconceptions found in the movie Love Actually. Hold on to your horses and let’s go for an emotionally charged ride!

All right, you guys know the drill! Here’s a little background information to get us all on the same page:

This movie follows about 9 couples around during the holidays, leading up to Christmas time. As their love stories range from couple to couple and character to character, they are somehow all intertwined. Due to every couple having their own plot, the main purpose of this movie is to show people the concept of love in its entirety; the struggles of it, the happiness, the solutions, the feelings and more. I’ve provided a trailer clip below if anyone is interested!!:

Couple 1

Below is a compilation of majority of Harry and Karen’s relationship:

Harry and Karen are a married couple who are going through some marriage difficulties because of Alan’s flirtation with his secretary. As this is a very real situation, there are misconceptions found as well. Mia, who is the secretary, is portrayed to be evil and malicious, where as, Harry is not portrayed badly to anyone other than is wife. SHES LITERALLY IN A DEVIL OUTFIT!!! The misconceptions we need to break are:

that the “other woman/man” are maliciously interacting with your significant other.
that men only have a small role in these kind of situations where the other woman/man has a bigger role.

Why do we continuously see the other woman/man as some evil being who is coming to destroy all words? While I understand that what that are doing it wrong, especially if they are aware of the others marriage or relationship, it does not necessarily make them an evil being. We need to understand that not everyone on this planet is the same and we all don’t think alike or have the same morals. As it is okay to feel a certain way about the individual who is partaking in this situation, we cannot paint them out to be a bad guy because they make the wrong, or less desirable, decision in our opinions.

As for the misconception that it is the other woman/man who has a bigger role in these issue….

While I do believe they are responsible for their actions and are also to blame in these situations, I do not believe that blaming them the most is appropriate. The person who is supposed to be loyal to you is your significant other, not the other person. As it would be nice to see respect from the other person and things of that nature, it does not necessarily mean that they have to show it. Your significant other is the one who pledged their loyalty to you and so, if they brake it and another person is involved, it is your duty to hold them most accountable.

Couple 2

Below is the only scene that matters between Juliet and Mark!:

SOOOOOOOO, from this, you don’t see much. Just a girl getting romanced by a guy and Christmas music softly playing in the background. Little do you know her whole husband is sitting on the couch and, outside, is her HUSBAND’S BEST FRIEND! The misconception here is that any of this is okay!!!! The best friend’s actions, Juliet’s actions, the situation itself! NONE OF IT!

Not only did this become a memorable part of the movie that people in real life have recreated, but we are all sitting here like awwwww this is so cute, when in actuality, its cheating. We need to understand we cannot romanticize everything, even when the romantic gestures from one is more appealing that that of the other

Also, that kiss at the end?!?!?!?!??! How does one kiss their husband’s best friend and then goes back to cuddle with their husband?!?!?! The messiness of it all. Please, don’t think that this is okay just because someone is nice enough to show you they love you better than your husband/wife can. If you think that is accurate and you want to act on it, go about getting a divorce instead of sneaking around and disrespecting your significant other.

In conclusion, this is a very interesting movie with a lot of different perspectives and lessons. There are many other love issues and even some non-intimate relationship love stories that one can look at and learn from. I picked these two love stories because, while it shows us topics we have previously talked about in my blogs, it sheds light on them in different ways than before. We need to break the misconceptions that the other person is the one to blame for when our significant others step out on us and we also need to understand that nice gestures and TLC from someone else doesn’t equal stepping out on another. I hope you’ve all gained a little bit more knowledge on how to navigate these type of situations, should they ever arise. Also, as the holiday season is approaching, please take into consideration the love you have, the love you’ve experienced, and, or, the love you hope to have. With that, you can go into the holidays knowing what it is you want or hope for in the new year and, hopefully, with the knowledge from this blog, you can actually get it without the bs.

Friends With Benefits…Literally

Hello my loves!! I hope all is well and everyone knows I missed them dearly! ❤ This week, we will be dedicating the blog to all of you who have been, are in, or are thinking of, getting into a friends with benefits type of relationship! As per my awesome title, we are literally going to be talking about the misconceptions of friends with benefits from looking at the movie Friends With Benefits!!

Now, given the fact that there are a lot of these type of movies out there, I have taken it upon myself to give you some much needed background information! Take a look:

Two people, Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis, go through breakups that emotionally change them in different ways. From this, after talking to one another, they decide to forgo emotions and instead, just be friends with benefits. As the movie progresses and their relationships turn, they eventually move from the friends with benefits stage to the actual relationships stage. Basically, the movie is filled with humor, sex, drama, and, you guessed it, EMOTIONS!!

**I know y’all are excited to get into the rest so, let’s go!!!!**

You know how some of my blog posts deal with getting information or views of other people in relation to the movie? Well, this week, you guys get some information on me! 🙂

I know, I know, this is exciting news!! Writing this post was a little easier because I have first hand been affected by these pesky little misconnections regarding friends with benefits! The two misconceptions I want to break are as followed:

You will be prepared or privy before having sex that you guys are in a friends with benefits relationships.
You will end up with the person you have the friends with benefits relationship with.

Let’s look at misconception #1

Isn’t it so convenient that the two established they would be friends with benefits before they actually had sex and then had to encounter awkwardness? MUST BE NICE!!!! I always thought that, in order to be friends with benefits, a conversation like this one would be had with the other person, PRIOR to us hitting the sack. I was wrong as fuck…

Ladies and gentlemen, please prepare yourself for mid or post sex explanations!!! Very rarely, if at all, do people, especially in this generation, let the other know what they want BEFORE THEY HAVE SEX WITH THEM!!!! You can lie to yourself and say that you do but, I can assure you, majority of the time this is how it play out: We have sex, we see the the person looking at us expectantly, we then realize we have to get out of the situation, we’re finally like… “Oh yeah, I’m not really looking for anything serious, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.” Everything that happened in that scene, where they just casually figured out and came to a mutual understanding of wanting to be friends with benefits, is bull.

I’ve had three friends with benefits in my life and, each and everyone of them were not established until after, or during sex. I watched this movie and tried to have a candid conversation about what we wanted, and some how, the conversation did not really happen like this AT ALL. A bunch of nodding heads and whatever the case may be, but no clear understanding that friends with benefits were what was going to be happening. I have had someone tell me as soon as we put clothes on that maybe we should just stick to being friends with benefits, I have had someone tell me MID SEX that this isn’t nothing more that two friends hooking up, and I have been the one to say right after it that this is gonna be a platonic type of hook up. Moral of the story is, please don’t expect to be comfortable and knowledgeable on whether or not you’re in a friends with benefits with someone until AFTER you actually have sex. Most of the time, friends with benefits are established, however, there are also the times where you instead have a one night stand you weren’t anticipating having one.

Lets look at misconception #2

Okayyyyyyyyyy. As sweet and cool as this little scene was, you need to understand how unrealistic it is. I don’t really know why movies show that friends with benefits always turn into relationships when, majority of the time, they do not. From this misconception, we tend to get our feelings hurt and, in turn, hate the opposite sex LOL. We internalize that, even though we said friends with benefits, the other doesn’t actually mean it.

Sadly, that isn’t the case at all. There are plenty of people who say they want a friends with benefits and strictly want just that. We look at these misconceptions in movies, of people living happily ever after, and think that, our friends with benefits situation will turn out the same way. Out of the three friends with benefits that I have been in, only one of them actually lead to a real relationship and, it’s my now boyfriend.

I know you’re probably saying, “well doesn’t it means it does work and you do end up with them?” The answer to that question is still no. Even if you start off as a friends with benefits, there is no guarantee that you will get into a relationship after. With me, I probably shouldn’t have gotten into a relationship with the guy I was casually having sex with, since now, we are a constant on an off again relationship. This is not to say that relationships cannot happen after being friends with benefits, its just to say not to expect for it to happen, as it usually doesn’t.

So, we’re at the end and, while I know most of you are not into this type of relationship, there are many people who are. I just want to make sure you’re all aware that, not all the time is a serious relationship necessary, and that having a friends with benefits situation can actually be beneficial. With this, it can only be beneficial if you break the misconceptions that help aid to the destruction of them or your hatred for the person you do it with. Not everything works out or turns into a relationship and, we must understand that we cannot get mad if, in this situation, a relationship is not produced. Friends with benefits has gained popularity over the years and, for those of whom want to partake, you must understand that, not all the time will be prepared for the outcome. While you predict what will happen, you can communicate with your partner and see where they may want to go with the situation. Enjoy something as jovial, new, and exciting as a friends with benefits, but understand that the misconceptions they present can be the downfall more to your self esteem, as well as, your situationship.

SIDE NOTE: MY OPINION IS YOUR FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS SHOULD BE WITH AN ATTRACTIVE PERSON WTH GREAT ASSETS!!!! 😉

To All the Times You Thought Your Love Life Was Going to Be Like This

Welcome back my loves!! ❤ Spooky Szn is officially over and now, it’s back to our regularly scheduled program of movies that don’t give me anxiety LMAO. I must admit, this is one of those movies that has a special place in my heart and, if I had to say, is at the top of my list for cheesy, guilty pleasure movies. That being said, it was hard deciding to pick this movie, however, it’s a perfect example of a movie NOT to watch when in, or thinking about getting in, a relationship. So, without further or do, get ready to learn about the misconceptions present in, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before.

For those of you who haven’t seen this movie, below is a description of all you need to know:

A cute, to herself girl. A whole box of letters to previous loves. A whole lot of drama. A hot, kind boy. A fake relationship with shy girl and hot boy. A bunch of real emotions. A whole lot of drama again. A revelation moment. A happy ever after.

Now, while this movie is a great teen movie to watch to get butterflies all over again, it is filled with a lot of misconceptions that need to be broken. The first one can be found in the clip below:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gglVQgCsyqE

Do you know how many times I have waited for a hot boy to come up to me and ask me to be his pretend girlfriend so that, eventually, he can see he loves me and we can then, live happily ever after in a real relationship?!?!?!?! Sadly, to many times to count and this movie here, does a great job bringing those misconceptions back to light. We must start to understand that just because things happen in movies, it does not mean they will happen in real life.

**Inserts sad face gif here because I’m still waiting for this to happen to me.**

The misconception found here is that you will have a chance like this in high school, or any time in your life, for this type of proposition to happen to you. I know its hard to grasp but, unless you’re apart of an escort service or helping your friend out with their strict/crazy parents, the chances of this happening are slim to known. I know most of you are saying, “this could happen” and blah blah blah, but we all know the truth. I’m still waiting for someone to tell me that this has happened to them.

We must understand that high school scenarios in movies like this aren’t actually high school scenarios, and they definitely, will not find there way to adulthood either. We all wait throughout high school, and even as adults, to find ourselves in a scenario like this. The truth of the matter is, watching movies like this have you hoping and dreaming for things that, more often that not, never happen. I’m still waiting for a Peter Kavinsky to sweep me off my feet and proposition me with the relationship of a lifetime.

Let’s take a look at another clip!!

Peter and Lara Jean’s first party together is one those perfect moments where I can call out another misconception!!!! First, did anyone notice how NICE that house was?!?! Like wth! Compared to our basement parties, adult parties, and even high school parties at someone’s house, I’ve never seen a house that nice for a high school party. But that’s just me.

The misconception here is that, it’s okay to put just about anything on social media. Do you see how many times both Lara Jean and Peter take pictures of one another, and then, post it on their social media? Is this far fetched from our society today? I think not.

We, as a technologically advanced society, have continuously placed the “better” versions of ourselves on social media. This movie is showing you how both individuals knowingly put versions of one another on their social media, even though the versions they put up, aren’t actually true.

We must understand that we don’t always have to put things on social media. Also, we must comprehend that when in a relationship, we don’t always need to broadcast said relationship on our social media. More often than not, we look to social media for validation and acknowledgment that our relationships are real and happy. Breaking this misconception, that social media needs to be a considered aspect go your relationship, will help make your relationship less structured and planned, and instead, more natural.

Finally, you can see that, while certain movies are great ones to watch, when in a relationship or thinking of getting into one, they should be avoided. You must break the misconceptions that:

social media is an important aspect of relationships
that we can expect for the same situations that are found in movies to happen in real life

Once these misconceptions are broken, you’ll find that you’re relationship will be better off and, you may fin yourself a Lara Jean or Peter Kavinsky in a more realistic way!

Beauty and the Bullshit

Hello my beautiful loves ❤ Since I’ve missed you since last time, I have provided you with a nice throwback treat this week! In order to switch things up, I have decided to go with another classic, except this time, its about an animation!

**Your inner child coming out rn heheh**

Growing up, we have all, at one point or another, watched or heard the stories of our popular Disney Princesses. This week in particular, we will be discussing the OG(original for those who don’t know what that means), 1991, Beauty and the Beast film! Just from watching the story of Belle and the Beast unfold, we can begin to see how we have gained misconceptions that shape our relationships from as young as our adolescent years.

Before we get started, here’s a breakdown of the movie for those of you who may have forgotten or have never seen it before:

Belle, an intelligent village girl, falls in love with a rich, cursed man who is transformed into a beast. After being kidnapped and held captive by the Beast, him and Belle develop a romantic relationship in which, after nearly dying from crazy village people, causes the Beast to transform into his human form again. In between this, there are talking objects, a rose with dying petals, books, dancing, singing, and a whole lot of interesting.

Let’s take a look at the first encounter between Belle and the Beast:

Now, I know you’re probably expecting me to talk about how the Beast is keeping her captive and that’s the start to their shitty relationship, however, I’m not!

I know, I know, but I got something better for you my loves. First, why Belle didn’t get the police or someone else to go with her, I have no idea. Why she was running in the woods all alone, I have no idea. Why this talking candleholder(Lumière) and clock(Cogsworth) set her up to encounter a clearly unhinged animal taking people as prisoner’s for the hell of it, I HAVE NO IDEA! What I do know, was that poor Belle was doomed from the beginning and, in turn, so were we.

This clip was so important because it gave you guys the first glimpse of Belle’s trifling, fake friends :)!! Lumière and Cogsworth, while they had no loyalty to Belle in this scene, do end up becoming her friend, along with others in the house, while she’s, yes, held captive. What many people tend to look pass is the fact that, they were working behind the scenes to get her to encounter the Beast. That….that’s a means for discussion. If you haven’t guessed by now, I’m going to help you break the misconceptions that all friends have good intentions when discussing or advising you on your relationship.

I know you’ve all have experienced, hmmmm how do I say this?…. AHHHH, yes! A FAKE ASS FRIEND!!!!! While we, unfortunately, have to go through some situations for us to uncover that they’re a fake ass friend, Belle never becomes lucky like us.

This clip below shows the lovely Mrs. Potts, and even Wardrobe (original name right? *rolls eyes*) also being trifling and fake 🙂

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UNpxWngkCCk

Instead of being real friends and helping sis get the hell outta there, these ladies think providing her with tea and getting her pretty will help her along. Knowing what the Beast is like and knowing she is now his captive, everyone is super cheery and trying to convince Belle things will be alright…..FOH.

Number 1: Friends who willingly let you go through terrible situations without even attempting to give you cautious remarks are NOT REAL FRIENDS. Think about how many times your friend(s) has put themselves in a situation where you knew it had potential to be dangerous or negatively impact them somehow. Did y’all let your friends go with no warning, or did you simply tell them what’s up? If you didn’t, you’re an example of a fake friend and really should work on that 🙂

Number 2: Friends who tell you to go along with something because they may benefit from it are, say it with me, NOT REAL FRIENDS. Friends are not suppose to sacrifice you or your happiness just for self gain. All these talking inanimate objects are trying to convince you they really care about Belle, however, they really care about two things:

Getting the Beast to find love in order to change THEMSELVES BACK
Getting someone to make the Beast a happier furry being instead of the jackass he walks around being

All in all, you must understand that, as we go to friends for advice and sometimes guidance on our relationships, you should be aware what could set you up in said relationships. You need to break these misconceptions that friends always have your best intentions in mind and they are who they claim to be, so that you can ultimately, have a healthier and happier relationship. Knowing when a friend is really helping you when you’re in or thinking about getting in a romantic relationship, versus hurting you in said relationship, can be the moments that make your relationship a lot better.

As a final farewell, here’s two things to consider:

This is Stockholm Syndrome at it’s finest, so why do we show this to kids?!?
DROPPING THOSE FAKE ASS FRIENDS AND ONLY LISTENING TO THE REAL ONES CAN SAVE YOU AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP!

Sinking Relationships

Hello my loves and welcome back! This week, we will be talking about the misconceptions found in one of the classics that everyone seems to love; The Titanic. Majority of us have seen this movie and some of us may even consider it one of our favorites. That being said, I’m going to do what I do best and show you why this is definitely a movie you should avoid when in a relationship or getting into one.

For those of you who don’t know what the Titanic is, here is all that you need to know about the movie:

A rich girl and a poor boy fall in love with one another on a ship, lovey-dovey stuff happens while she’s engaged to be married on said ship, she throws some jewelry into the ocean, the ship sinks, and she’s alive at the end to tell their love story…….

Did y’all noticed how I said SHE’S alive at the end and not THEY!!!! Hold onto that for me.

Just to inform you my loves, I got information about the misconceptions found in this movie and in his relationship from my guy friend Frankie. I made him re-watch the movie while he’s oversees in the Marines and I got my ass chewed out. Not only did he forget how cheesy the movie was, but apparently, I made all those misconceptions about relationships come back to the forefront of his mind. That being said, Let’s start with how Rose and Jack meet shall we?

From this moment, the very moment they met, I knew this movie had to gooooooo. From this clip alone, the main misconceptions is that you’ll start a romance with someone you meet in distress because it’s love at first sight. LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT IT NOT REAL!! According to Frankie and myself, this is complete bullshit.

In what world do you see someone doing this, trying to jump off of a moving ship that is, and think, yup, this is the one for me? Let me help you out….YOU DON’T!!

In my opinion, she’s clearly showing signs of being unwell and needing professional help. In Frankie’s words, she’s batshit crazy but he’s crazier. If someone is showing signs right off the bat that they may need psychiatric help, it may be in you best interest to heed those signs.

The misconception is that love at first sight is real…..in any context. This is completely inaccurate. Love at first isn’t something that happens, but lust at first sight is. This simply means that, when we first meet someone, we are not in love with them, but we are attracted to them. Its the whole reason we begin to talk to someone; because they appeal to our personal tastes and preferences, not because we are in love with them.

In Frankie’s case, he met his EX girlfriend at a bar right before he left for bootcamp. Her nickname was Ginger, for obvious reasons like her hair, and she literally punched someone in the face…..Make your own judgement but I was deadass like:

As I was there and told him he probably shouldn’t talk to her, this man thought she was “hot” and he said he was “in love” because she showed strength and whatever other nonsense he said. Fast forward to three months later, Frankie comes to me and tells me this relationship isn’t working out because she’s super aggressive and loves to fight (verbally and physically). I look at him and ask him if he loved her, he says, “well no but you have to admit she was hot when we met her.”

Other than being a tool, he totally proved my point that we all talk to someone in the beginning because we are attracted to them physically, not because we LOVE them!

Ever heard that love is a strong and powerful word??? If that’s the case, why do we look at movies like this one and see how nonchalantly they throw that word around?! How is it that we just proved that love at first sight is not really what happens, but lust at first sight is, but somehow, Jack is said to be in love with Rose from that very moment he saved her life??? Please my loves, understand that, not only should heed warning signs when meeting someone for the first time, but also, don’t believe that love at first sight is a real thing!

Look at this nonsense below please.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3pg27yqk3s

OKAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! Back to when I said she lives and he dies. This. This right here is the example of trifling. When you’re in a relationship, you’re suppose to comprise and provide for one another, not sacrifice. I made this argument last time that sacrifice in a relationship is a misconception, however, the new misconception is thinking that the MAN must sacrifice when in times of danger as well.

We learned that sharing is caring, we also know that when were in relationships, what’s yours is mine and all that junk. Sooooo why when this man is clearly dying from the freezing temperatures of the water, sis is letting him float in the water instead of taking turns or something? Because, as women, we think that as the “man” they must provide us with safety and comfort. While this is semi- true, the rules get a little foggy when we’re in life threatening situations!

Fellas, we expect a certain level of safety, care, and protection from you, however, YOU BETTER CALL YOUR PARTNER OUT IF THEY’RE BEING SELFISH! Pleas my loves, understand that you cannot expect your partners, especially your men, to sit there and out you first in all life threatening situations. Sharing is caring and being selfish is not appropriate.

Alright my loves, we are at the end of this lovely post and I just wanted to say, I hope you gained some knowledge from it! Misconceptions on relationships are placed in a some of our favorite movies and, while being unsuspecting, we try to integrate them into said relationships. Please know that breaking these misconceptions will only help you in the long run and, hopefully, prevent you from losing a loved one because you can’t share the log ya’ll floating on. #TeamJack