50 Shades of Disappointment

Hello my loves ❤ I decided that we’re going start off with a bang! If you haven’t already guessed, Fifty Shades of Grey is one movie you should NOT watch when in a relationship. Since this is a movie majorly based off of sex, that is what we will be focusing on this week! That’s right loves, its time to talk about your sex lives!!!!! From the unrealistic scenes in the movie, to how it shapes the way you view sex in your own relationships, we’re getting into the nitty gritty.

Lets be clear on one thing before we jump into why this movie is a no and why I changed the title from Grey to Disappointment! It doesn’t matter if its a new relationship or a 20 year long one, this movie will surely give you misconceptions on your sex life.

You people with new relationships will be setting yourselves up to feel bad and thinking you’re awkward asf together, while you 20 year relationships will be thinking that you’re old and boring. No one wins by watching two very physically attractive people, with amazing attributes, get it on the way they do in Fifty Shades of Grey. Save yourself the embarrassment and, that’s right, you guessed it, the DISAPPOINTMENT!

Just to help you out, this movie is basically about SEX, SEX, SEX, and MORE SEX. Kinky, wild, and completely didn’t expect all that type of sex. Oh, and while that’s happening, an innocent, virgin girl falls in love with this hot-as-hell, scarred, dominant man.

Now that you know all there is to know, let me say, THERE IS NO REALISM TO THE SEX SCENES! The perfect example is listed below!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mz8OYTLjmE4

click here

Let that shit sink in. Watch it again if you need to. But watch it and understand that it is a load of bs.

#1 No one goes that slow when they’re getting ready to do the freaky!

#2 No one actually thinks the lip biting (Dakota Johnson did in the beginning) thing is attractive and your toes really don’t do that curling thing

#3 No one whispers that close to people’s face in an empty house

Part 1

For you ladies: The first bout of misconceptions you got from this is that your man is going to calmly, slowly, and lovingly take off the clothes from your body.

You know damn well that your boyfriend, hookup, friend with benefit, husband, man, its “complicated,” and, or whatever else you have, doesn’t even let y’all get through the opening credits on Netflix before you’re naked in bed. I’m convinced that there is a race in this world, that we are unaware of, to see which guy can take off his girl’s clothes the fastest. So, for all of you ladies thinking that your going to be feeling the clothes slowly caressing your body, you got another thing coming. Take it from me! Im in a committed relationship and you would think I never let this man hit it before. Don’t get disappointed because you’re expecting your significant other to take a minute to slowly take your clothes off and not pull your hair or scrape your leg when pulling off your jeans.

For you fellas: Don’t watch this movie in general. This little excerpt may just be about the clothes aspect right now, but you will really be at a disadvantage if you watched this movie. Shit, try to make sure your person doesn’t watch the movie either because you’ll still be at a disadvantage. You’re screwed either way honestly.

When it come to the taking off the clothes aspect, you’ll look at this movie and think to yourself, “maybe I should try that”. Even though some of us ladies would prefer a more controlled and moderate speed clothes peeling method, we may not actually want it to be as slow as molasses. First of all, thats where the awkwardness aspect I was talking about comes into play. The slower you go, the more we both have to do. The eye contact becomes more awkward and the mind starts racing with other things. You know why? Because as you’re slowly taking off our clothes, we have more time to debate if we want to have a sexual encounter, what we’re going to eat after this, or if we actually locked our doors before we got to that point. Oh, and also, no one takes off a bra that easily so you’re fine, don’t worry! Another misconception broken 🙂

Part 2

That. That is what you ladies look like when you try to bite your lip. That is what men see. You know how I know? Because I went on Google and had my guy friends and boyfriend pick the picture that was most accurate to what they see when we bite our lips.  How rude. We put all this energy in thinking that if we pull it off, its sexy, and instead, people think we are trying to peel the skin off of our lips. My recommendation is don’t watch this movie because for some reason, you’ll have this theory that biting your lips will attract your partner, but in actuality, it makes them giggle like a bunch of girls. Also, the toe curling thing……just stop. There is no such thing as a toe curl that intense. You may get a little twitch in your toe from time to time, but if you think your partner is going to make them CURLLLLLLLLLL like that, overtime you’re in bed together, I’m sorry for your disappointment. Ladies, understand that it is a lot to expect of your significant other and totally a bummer if you think its going to happen frequently. Fellas, understand that you will not make your ladies’ toes curl all the time, if at all, and thats okay. Doesn’t mean your sex game is below average, just means you’re not like this unrealistic movie. **If you have made this happen as intense as Ms. Johnson has experienced, please leave your number below. My friend Crystal is interested in getting to know you.**

Part 3

Just don’t do it. Do not breath your hot breath in your significant other’s face. Majority of the time, you’re getting it on after eating something. If not, its morning sex or you just haven’t brushed your teeth in a while before the encounter. Its unrealistic to believe that you can whisper in someone’s face like that and they wont make a face or a comment. I have legit been able to decipher what my boyfriend has eaten before the encounter and my face was more of a cringe than a pleasurable one. You know you have experienced this too my loves. And thats okay! You can tell your significant others whats the deal. Ladies and gentlemen, say whats on your mind about your partner’s stinky breath without being a dick about it!!!!

Just a quick question though! And I want real, honest answers! How many of you actually whisper with your significant others?! Honestly? If you’re the only people in the house, are you whispering like this? The only reason I ask is since we have to whisper majority of the time to be respectful to other people, once we are alone, all bets are off.   The sound level I feel is to an ultimate high because we are trying to make up for all those times we have to whisper LOL. Let me know!!!

After watching this movie, I swear to you I was incorrigible. The sex was good don’t get me wrong, but it was mainly that I still felt unsatisfied in a way. It wasn’t until I realized that I was unsatisfied because I felt like our sessions were very underwhelming and boring because we didn’t do what was in the movie! Nothing was good enough or wild enough and most of the time, we both were disappointed because we were trying to live up to something unrealistic. You don’t have to try and be like the movies, what works for you guys as a couple is better anyways. This is not to say you can’t try things out if they interest you. By all means, trying new and fun things makes everything a little more interesting 😉 But what I’m saying is, trying to be EXACTLY like a movie and their sex life is not something that will positively impact your relationship. Its best to just stay away from watching this movie because honestly, the realist thing in this scene was Anastasia being stuck with those plain ass granny panties for her unexpected rumble with Christian.

Bye my loves ❤